Why I will never have long flowing hair

It has always been a dream of mine to have long, shiny, healthy hair that reaches my waist. But that can never be. Every time I come close, the evil devil known as Split Ends attacks, leaving me weak and short haired.
On the bright side, my split ends are amazingly diverse, so no one can blame my head for being prejudiced.

I've observed and categorized them for your convenience.

I have a secret

My coffee name is Anna.

The second I was born, the universe turned against me. Its first strike came in the form of my parents naming me Yeranuhi.
If you are getting ready to say, "oh how unique" but silently thanking your lucky stars that your name isn't as 'unique' as mine, I would advise you to save it. I'm not one to accept your compliment graciously.
Back to what originally started this uninteresting story: my coffee name. When the girl working the starbucks register asks for my name (for serving purposes), I say it's Anna.
Imagine standing there,holding up the line as I spell my real name. Why, Ee, are, ay, en, you, eich, eye.
Uh uh. It's outright outrageous! Waste of people's time. And I'm pretty sure the cash register girl doesn't even care about my real name. So,"Anna" I say, and take a step to the left to wait for my Cafe latte with whipped cream. During that wait, many emotions pass through me.
I feel shameful for using someone else's name. I feel like I'm pretending to be something that I am not. And most importantly, I feel guilty when the Coffee guy smiles at me sweetly, "Anna? Here is your drink."
Don't even ask me about the times when he kept calling "Anna Anna" and I just kept on looking straight ahead, waiting, forgetting that I was Anna.
I bet you think I pulled the name Anna out of the air.
But Anna isn't just any old name.
It's my sister's name.

I know, you're shocked. How much do parents have to hate their child to first, name her Yeranuhi, and second, name her sister Anna. It's like a double slap in the face. Like, Haha, your name sucks, but not only that, your sister's name is Anna, and your name will sound doubly sucky next to hers.

But do not blame my parents! I'm sure they had dreams and hopes of giving their firstborn a normal and respectable name. It's just...something happened to make them change their mind. Most possibly someone held a gun to their heads.